Mission From Hell
by Lily Kalanoa
Summary: Kakashi didn't ask for this mission, he didn't even want it. Tohiro really is a bastard, but what is a poor copy nin to do? Surely Iruka will help make it all better, right? But first he has to survive the mission itself Reputation Universe One Shot


**Author**: Lily Kalanoa

**Story**: Mission From Hell

**Genre**: Naruto – Reputation Universe – Humor

**Rating**: M / R

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but my laptop, which put me into significant debt. All characters and series belong to their respective creators, I just like to torture them, heh heh.

**Warnings**: Blonde bashing! Yaoi and reference to yuri. Somewhat graphic descriptions of the female body and a nice juicy lemon at the end. Poor Kakashi.

**Pairings**: Kakashi / Iruka

**Spoilers**: None

**Author** **Notes**: I'm back with a quick one shot. I got the idea a while ago and decided to write it mostly so I could get it out of my head. Poor Kakashi. On a random disclaimer note – _yes_ I am completely making fun of the blonde bimbo party girl and _yes_ Jenny is loosly based on Jenny McCarthy, but really in name only. I don't follow that garbage, so I don't know how bad she herself is, it was just the first playmate name I came across that wasn't Anna Nicole Smith (even I thought that would be tacky). So anyway, if any of you out there are blonde, remember that I am too. If any of you are party girls (or guys) I sure hope you're intelligent enough to not be this bad. You can obviously read, so I would assume so. Anyway, please enjoy the story, I'd love some reviews, and I'll see you all later!

-o-o-o-o-o-

Shikamaru yawned, sauntering towards the missions room. It was a bland day, a gray morning, and he was tired – it was too early to be out of bed. But if a young chuunin wanted his pick of nice, easy missions, he had to get up a little early and try to beat the rush. It had often worked in the past, allowing the shadow user to get a simple mission he could finish in a few hours and let him devote the rest of his day to watching the clouds and challenging the local geniuses to shogi games.

It was surprising, therefore, to reach the missions room before most academy students were in their classrooms to find it packed full of shinobi. He couldn't see who was at the desk because of the dozen ninja crowded around it, all clamoring at the hidden man. At least twenty more ninja were packed into the room, trying to get to the front of the line. Shikamaru watched in awe as Raidou twisted, jabbing a kunai towards one of the other ninja. The other man avoided the attack and in minutes the two were brawling on the floor. Ebisu used this as an opportunity to leap towards the desk, gaining a few feet before Kotetsu elbowed him in the gut, blocking the advance.

"What in the world . . ." Shikamaru looked around the room with more interest now. He noticed several teachers and idly wondered what their classes were doing. Rinshi was there, sneaking around the back in a useless effort to get closer to the desk. Anko was the only woman Shikamaru could see and she was busily crawling along shinobi's shoulders in her own efforts to get closer to the desk. Genma was trapped near the window, but he seemed to be lobbing small chocolates toward the desk and the man sitting behind it. Another three shinobi were calling out as if they were at the stock market, each one-upping the bribe the last had offered.

Just off to one side of the door, the only ninja not actively engaged in hand to hand combat or bribery and extortion was leaning against the wall. "Kakashi-san? What's going on?"

"Mission scramble," the jounin muttered. "It's an escort job. The daughter of the head of the hidden waterfall village. The girl herself isn't a ninja, so while she's visiting, they wanted a local shinobi to guard her and show her around."

Shikamaru's eyebrows rose slightly. "All this for a single mission?"

"Look down the hall. That's Jenny-hime."

Shikamaru leaned back out the door, glancing down the hall. His eyes widened. Hinata was standing there quietly, head bowed while she spoke to another woman. She was blonde, her hair falling just below her jaw line while a plastic smile lit her face. Her figure was quite full and shown off beautifully by a skirt that would surly be illegal if she were to bend or sit, and a top that clung to her ample bosom, secured by tiny threads that threatened to snap at the slightest provocation. The teen let out a slight whistle and leaned back into the missions room, looking once again at Kakashi. "She's, ah,"

"Yes, she's very 'ah', hence the mission scramble. It's just a D class, but because of the client, the top elite are here, all trying to gain the mission desk's favor. I have to say I wouldn't mind . . ." The man trailed off and Shikamaru looked at him dubiously.

"Why aren't you trying to get up there?"

He was certain the man smiled beneath his mask. "Look who's at the desk." He offered an arm, letting the shorter chuunin use him as a literal stepping-stone so he could peer over the crowd.

Shikamaru saw the man at the desk and hissed as if in pain. "How troublesome. Tohiro, huh?" The rivalry between the two ninja was now legendary in the village. Tohiro was an academy teacher who had recently had to miss several months of classes because of a severe injury to his throat. Kakashi had been the cause of the injury, though he continued to proclaim it a 'horrible accident and a terrible misunderstanding.' Whenever the two men met, Tohiro went out of his way to make the other man's life as miserable as possible.

Kakashi nodded, lowering the boy to the floor again. "I got here a bit after the bulk of the crowd. But since he's on duty, it really didn't matter. I'll be pulling clean up duty again or-"

"Kakashi!" The rasping voice cut through the crowd quickly, bringing almost instant silence from the crowd. The accused was silent as well, blinking stupidly in the direction of the desk, despite the shinobi still blocking his view. The crowd began to waver, parting slowly as Tohiro stood and made his way towards Kakashi. "How long have you been hiding back here?"

The man's old injury was still obvious in every word he spoke. The way he was smiling made Kakashi's blood run cold. "Oh, I just got here," he muttered lightly, fighting the urge to retreat from the advancing man.

"Well," Tohiro held out his hand, silently ordering Kakashi to take the offered scroll. "As you can see we're a bit crowded this morning. I have your mission ready, though. Here you go."

Kakashi took the scroll, staring in dread at the first few words. It was the escort job. A nervous laugh escaped his lips and Kakashi felt his brow wrinkle in confusion. "Uh, thank you?"

-o-o-o-o-o-

It took a couple of hours for Tohiro's genius to fully register on the copy nin. Slowly, however, he began to appreciate it. He had been given the escort job, coveted by nearly every male shinobi and a good chunk of kunoichi in Konoha. It had just been handed to him, as if a gift from the very gods themselves. Every single one of those ninja would be out for a pound of his flesh because Kakashi had been given it. It wasn't just because he'd been the one to get the job, though that would be enough for many. But it was _very_ common knowledge that Kakashi was in a committed relationship, which meant there was little to no benefit of _him_ getting to escort around the young princess. Konoha would be out for his blood.

Tohiro really was brilliant.

Then there was the fact that Jenny was very . . . well . . . _touchy_. Touchy was probably too light a word. Clingy. And because he was showing her the village, there were plenty of witnesses to her grabby-ness. The thought of how this would increase the village's bloodlust was nothing to the thought of what Iruka might do when the rumors got back to him. Gods, Kakashi could already _hear_ the rumors being whispered behind him. Idly he wondered if Tohiro had bribed the girl to be extra flirtatious.

Between the glares he was getting from every person he passed, the imagined encounters later that evening in dark alleys (not to mention when he returned home to his lover), and the unwanted attention from the client herself, Kakashi was seriously contemplating how deep a wound he would have to inflict on himself to get out of the mission without rendering himself incapable of defending himself. It wasn't even noon.

"Ooh!" Jenny suddenly cried out, pointing towards a small building. "Let's go in there!"

Kakashi stifled a groan. His client was pointing at a dingy bar – Captain Daniels. "Jenny-hime, wouldn't you rather see the hokage building?" The girl shook her head, bouncing slightly – the motion sent her assets bouncing as well. She latched onto the jounin's arm, pulling it into her chest. Kakashi blinked as his elbow slipped into the space right between her ample breasts, it felt like she wasn't wearing anything at all! At any other time, he would have enjoyed it, he was sure, but the motion only served to increase the murderous intent the ninja was currently drowning in. Jenny, completely unawares, just dragged him towards the dusty building.

As Kakashi was forced to the bar, he glanced at the girl attached to his arm. She practically stalked to a stool, sitting down and leaning forward to attract the attention of the bartender. She needn't have bothered, every eye in the bar was glued to her as soon as the pair had entered. Kakashi couldn't help stealing a peek at her seated behind; the skirt rose more than enough to leave very little to the imagination. Fighting off a sudden blush, he found himself wondering if he could get Iruka to wear a thong like that.

"It's just wrong!" Kakashi could hear one of the other bar patrons whisper to his friend. "He already has his own tail, why should he get this one, too?"

"I feel sorry for Iruka-sensei. Think he knows his boyfriend is out boozing it up with this bombshell?"

"Forget about that. If he keeps this up, I feel sorry for Iruka-sensei because he's going to be short one boyfriend very soon." The speaker cracked his knuckles as he spoke.

"What do you suppose he'd do himself? It might be worth letting Kakashi get home just to see the blowout!"

Kakashi sighed, ordering a stiff shot and turning his attention away from the others. Jenny was eagerly downing her first drink of the day. Finishing in record time, she smiled up at Kakashi. "I can't wait to see how your local brews stack up to home!"

Kakashi felt a vein in his forehead pound warningly. "You want to go to other bars?" he asked, truly fearing the answer.

Jenny nodded enthusiastically, again sending her assets bouncing slightly. "Oh, yes! I always try the best a village has to offer, I'm something of an expert, you know! Daddy wants me to see all that boring shadow stuff, but I'd much rather see the night life this place has to offer!"

Kakashi swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. "You realize the night life doesn't start until the night, right?"

"I'm just getting a head start. Don't worry, we'll have plenty of time to party." She finished her second drink and smiled sweetly at the bartender. "Do I owe you anything for the drinks?"

A third glass was placed before the girl and the bartender smiled widely. "Of course not, you're a visiting dignitary. I wouldn't dream of charging a beauty like you anyway." Jenny finished her third drink and shot up, barely pausing to tug her skirt back down to decent levels. Kakashi stood to follow her out of the bar, but the bartender's hand clasped tightly around his elbow. "Her drinks and yours come to thirty dollars," he growled, free hand extended towards the ninja.

Kakashi looked completely unruffled by this. Inside he was pulling at his hair, slowly dying a death worthy of any drama-prince. He still had at least ten hours of this to look forward to. Far more, if Jenny truly wanted to see Konoha's nightlife. Handing over the money, he quickly counted the cash in his wallet, realizing he'd need to dip generously into his debit account to cover the evening since all the bars were likely to be like this one. He wondered if he could convince Tsunade to reimburse this as a business expense.

-o-o-o-o-o-

By three o'clock, Kakashi was fairly certain he could at least survive the village attack that he knew was coming. He had his moves thought out to the last detail and had already stashed several paralyzing needles for his escape – he hadn't Sharinganed Haku for nothing. After he dropped Jenny back at the hokage building, he could take down his immediate attackers and flee to Gai's apartment, imploring the Mighty Beast for help. Of course, by the time the bars closed and he could end this Mission from Hell, it would be at least three in the morning, but he was sure Gai wouldn't be too upset at being woken. It was, after all, a Terrible Injustice that Kakashi needed his help to set Right!

Yes, yes, that sounded good in his head. He'd start with that line and if Gai was still hesitant he'd throw in something about the Springtime of Youth and only doing his Duty to the Village. Gai would fall for that, he was certain of it. The only flaw in his plan was that he first had to survive until the end of the mission. He'd convinced Jenny to let him show her the more 'acceptable' aspects of Konoha until at least evening. He'd shown her around the hokage building and shown her the memorial stone. He'd brought her to the hokage memorial and was now trying to think of where to take her next.

Jenny had begun telling jokes.

Some of them were slightly funny, but most were not. All of them were lewd, some quite dirty. But the vast majority of them were simply laced with innuendo that would have made a lesser man blush furiously. Kakashi took them stoically, committing some to memory for later personal retelling, and trying to survive the day. At the third mention of the great stone hokages and their "proportioned benefits" Kakashi was desperate to get away from the area. Latching on to the first idea, Kakashi smiled at the girl. "How would you like to see the library?"

Jenny frowned slightly, but followed obediently as Kakashi began to walk off. After a few minutes, the jounin could see the library coming in to view. They only had to make it past one more building before they'd be there. Kakashi felt his heart sink as he sensed Jenny stopping. He turned, struggling to maintain his aloof appearance, to see what the trouble was.

The blonde smiled brightly at him. "Is this your school?" Kakashi murdered the groan threatening to escape him and nodded. "Can we look around here? I love kids!"

"Classes have already gotten out, Jenny-hime."

"I just want to look," she chirped, striding into the building without waiting for her escort.

Kakashi took advantage of his long legs, catching up with the girl in a few quick strides, and pulling slightly ahead of her. "What would you like to see, Jenny-hime?" He forced himself not to cringe.

Jenny looked star-struck. "Where're the training rooms?"

Kakashi gave a little bow and stalked in front of the woman. Academy training was no huge secret, so it wasn't a matter of Konoha security. Maybe there would be someone there and the blonde would be distracted for longer than expected at least. He led the way, calmly opening the door to the large indoor training area. Sadly, there was no one there to help distract the girl, but that could be a good thing as well, it meant Kakashi could escape the death glares for a little while at least.

Jenny was leaning close to a wall of weapons, hands clasped behind her back. The posture gave Kakashi a rather nice view of her thong again and the jounin shook his head, stepping up beside her. "Would you like a demonstration?" The girl's face lit up and she clasped her hands in front of her, bouncing like an excited child. Kakashi tried very hard not to focus on her assets as he leaned past, lifting a stack of rubber shuriken.

He moved slowly, taking his time as he threw several trick shots, listening to Jenny's excited cheers every time. When he was done, he turned to look at the girl again. She'd moved much closer to him during the demonstration and Kakashi took a step back as he turned to give himself more space. Jenny moved forward again, shrinking the distance even more. "Are you a teacher, Kakashi-san?"

"I have overseen recently graduated genin in the past," he answered, deliberately vague.

Jenny took another step forward. "So you are a sensei?" She said the word with a voice that made the man shiver slightly. Kakashi took a more obvious step back; so that's why she had wanted to visit the academy.

The door to the room suddenly opened, sparing Kakashi the girl's next line as they both spun to look at the new entry. For one horrifying second, Kakashi imagined what would happen if it was Iruka to open the door and find him alone with the buxom girl. To his unending relief, the intruder was a slim woman with light hair. "Ah, Suki-sensei! Have you met Jenny-hime?"

The woman glanced between the two of them for a moment. "No, I haven't. Am I interrupting something, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi smiled and scratched the back of his head. "Well, I was messing around with this jutsu, you see, to try and age plants and things? Poor Jenny-hime walked right into it and, well, you can see the results."

At his explanation, Jenny giggled exactly like a schoolgirl. Suki just rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say, Kakashi-sensei."

With a sigh, Kakashi bowed to the teacher, leading Jenny back out into the corridors. Thinking of something, he leaned back quickly. "Suki-sensei? Has Iruka left yet?"

The woman gave him an odd look, but shook her head. "He seemed to have a lot of work to do. He was just in the lounge, but he was going back to his classroom, I think."

Kakashi nodded, leaning back out to guide Jenny. She looked at him curiously. "So, _Sensei_, who's this Iruka? Another teacher I should meet?" She said the words very . . . suggestively. Kakashi shivered completely against his will.

"No, I think it's about time to leave the school building. Teachers are very busy people, you know." He led her away quickly, ignoring the pout on her very full lips. If Iruka was still here, then here was not where Kakashi wanted to be. And he was positive he couldn't let Jenny anywhere near a real teacher, especially one that rightfully belonged to him.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Kakashi had never actually been to any of the clubs in Konoha. He'd seen them, stood nearby and listened to the throbbing music, snuck around in the shadows to gather valuable information as well as some very interesting stories. But he'd never been inside one as a patron. When Jenny had asked which of the clubs were best, he had quietly admitted this to her, instantly regretting it as she latched onto his arm again, dragging him straight to the front of the line.

"I am Jenny McCarn from the Waterfall Hidden Village. My escort and I would like to go inside, please." The bouncer at the door looked at the girl for a moment, unsure whether or not to believe her. The line waiting to get in wasn't that long, but it would still be rather unwise to simply skip over so many civilians and, more dangerously, off duty shinobi. When Jenny leaned into the man's arm, rubbing her breasts back and forth once, Kakashi suddenly found himself being dragged through the door. He barely had enough time to register the trickle of blood from the bouncer's nose.

Once inside, Kakashi was assaulted by the droning music. It was like another dimension, the colors flashing in such a way that he couldn't accurately judge things like fine shape and distance. The black lights scattered about hurt his eyes a little and, he noticed glancing in a mirror, made his hair glow an ungodly color. The bass of the near deafening music vibrated the very air and he could feel it throughout his entire chest. This was such an incredibly horrible idea, Kakashi couldn't quite put it to words.

Jenny dragged him over to a table, quickly ordering some alcohol. "This is really your first club, Kakashi-sensei?" The girl was shouting to be heard over the music and Kakashi still had to strain to hear her. "A cute guy like you, I figured you would have been to all sorts of back-room parties."

Well, Kakashi _had _been to several of those, though few others could testify to it. There weren't any better places for blackmail gathering. Illegal drugs, some prostitution, all sorts of entertaining activities. But no, he'd never been to one as a participant. And he'd never been to this disorienting world of lights and music and _writhing_.

Suddenly Jenny was on her feet. She bounced, giggling, towards the dance floor and began to move with the music. Kakashi watched, fascinated. The way she moved was rather hypnotic. In minutes, she was in the center of the crowd. The people gave her space, making her the center of attention immediately. Every eye in the club was riveted on the girl, including Kakashi's. When she started running her hands along her body, the copy nin desperately wished he could look away – there was only so much a man could take! But he was her escort as well as her unwilling date and, D rank though it was, it was his mission to make sure she stayed safe, too. If he took his eyes off her, there was no telling what might happen.

He honestly lost track of time sitting there, watching the girl dance. She returned to the table frequently, putting still more alcohol into her system, then it was back to the floor to dance, alone or with men or women, she didn't seem to care. It was just past midnight when she returned to the table one last time. "Come on, we're leaving after this song."

Kakashi nodded stoically, handing his credit card to the bartender, not even wanting to know the price he was currently paying. When the card was safely back in his wallet, Kakashi felt his arm pulled once more into the valley of the girl's chest. God, it really felt as if she wasn't wearing anything at all! And that thought wasn't helping his current problem in the slightest. To his shock and unending annoyance, Jenny led him towards the door by crossing the dance floor. He wasn't the least bit surprised when she stopped, demanding he dance with her. "I'm sorry, Jenny-hime. I don't dance. You see, when I was ten, this rabid gopher bit my big toe and-"

"I don't want to hear it, Kakashi-sensei. You've been sitting like a log all evening, and you are going to dance with me!" Kakashi tried to edge away, but she was already moving. "You're dancing with me whether you like it or not."

Trapped, Kakashi consented to the inevitable. He would not dance, though, he refused. He simply had no notable rhythm in places like this. Ballroom? No problem. Swing? Jazz? After watching for a few minutes, he'd gotten it fine. But this bumping and swaying . . . he could do it if he tried – or used his eye – but he had absolutely no desire to. This wasn't dancing.

Kakashi's eyes widened considerably. _That_ **_definitely_** wasn't dancing. He continued to stand stock still, but Jenny was now – what did the kids call it, freaking? – right against him. Now he was lacking the ability to move even if he'd tried as the girl vulgarly ground her hips against his from behind. This really, _really_ wasn't helping his current problem. She wrapped her hands around his chest briefly before walking around him, clearly intending to continue her 'dance' in front of him. Kakashi grabbed the girl's waist, keeping a foot or so space between them. "Jenny-hime, I really think that's enough."

The blonde just smiled. "Please, Kakashi-sensei. There's no need to be so shy! It's not as if I can't see your hard on through those pants, you know." One of her slim hands slipped down the ninja's body, giving the aforementioned hard on a slight squeeze.

Kakashi hissed, grabbing her hand and pushing her slightly further away. "We really should be on our way, Jenny-hime." The girl pouted for another moment before nodding and continuing their interrupted path to the exit. Mentally, Kakashi revised his plans for the evening. Going to Gai for help with angry villagers was officially out. Waking Iruka and ravishing the teacher no matter how much he protested about class in the morning was _definitely_ in. Kakashi cursed in his mind. Just thinking about the brunette made his problem worse, he had to get his mind off of that.

Jenny led the way from the club to a dark bar, slipping in as if she belonged there. For the umpteenth time that day, Kakashi murdered his groan, burying it in the basement of the Aburame house where it would never be found. He shadowed the girl to the bar, quickly handing the bartender his credit card. "Just put everything on here," he muttered, valiantly hoping it wouldn't be too much, but knowing there was no avoiding it.

Jenny settled in on one of the stools, already downing a mixed drink Kakashi couldn't name. The ninja ordered a bottle of sake and took a stool against the wall. Silent, he pulled out his book and opened to a random page. He couldn't read, both because it wouldn't help him in the slightest and because he had to keep an eye on his escort, but it hid his face enough that he could get the much needed alcohol into his own system.

His bottle was drained before the bartender gave last call and Jenny finally stopped flirting with the various patrons and stood to walk over to Kakashi again. As she drew near him, her eyes widened and Kakashi got a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. "You read Icha Icha?"

Oh lord, there was no way this was going to lead anywhere good. Mutely Kakashi nodded, pulling his mask back into place and lowering the book.

Jenny squealed suddenly, leaning significantly closer to the poor man. "I love the series, it's just so awesome! I know just who you'd be, too!" No, this wasn't going _anywhere_ Kakashi wanted to go. "Erik-sensei, from Lessons! Oh, you have the same hair, too."

Kakashi struggled against the blood flowing to his cheeks and _other_ areas. Erik-sensei had been described as tall and handsome, with flyaway blonde hair. In the main sex scene he was involved in – which spanned a full three chapters, Kakashi wondered if it was fair to call it one scene when the character had so many separate encounters – Erik was described as hiding his face with a thick black scarf because he was embarrassed. At first, at least. He was also described _repeatedly_ as having a considerable manhood, which Kakashi certainly wasn't going to argue, but unfortunately, Jenny seemed eager to compare fiction to reality right then and there.

The girl was pressed against him before Kakashi knew what was happening, straddling one of his legs. He gasped, suddenly focused on simultaneously pushing the girl away and stopping her hands from exploring his chest. When the world tipped slightly, he cursed, reaching out frantically to keep them upright. That was certainly a downside of his mask, his alcohol tolerance was rock bottom. Well it's not like he ever actually _drank_. It figured tonight would be the one time he overlooked that little detail.

Without warning, both of them were drenched in ice water. Jenny gasped, pulling away suddenly. Kakashi just sputtered, eyes wide, as he locked on the source of the water. The bartender was glaring at them, two empty pitchers in his hands. A few grumbled words and many glares later, Sharingan Kakashi was rushing from the building, Jenny being dragged along behind him. On the street, the girl twisted, pushing Kakashi against a wall and attempting to resume her earlier exploration. Kakashi practically shoved her away this time, frowning angrily. "Jenny-hime, it's time to go back to your room."

"_Sensei_," the girl whined, trying to press up against him again. "I can tell you're having fun, why don't you just give in? Just like Erik and Cindi when she finally got him to take off that horrible scarf . . ." She was reaching for Kakashi's mask now, but he had had enough.

Darting his hand out, Kakashi quickly knocked the girl out, catching her limp body before it hit the ground. Now he'd have the men of Konoha _and_ the Hokage angry with him, but he considered it worth it in this case. He made the journey to the hokage building and Jenny's guest room in record time, quickly tucking her in to bed and leaping out the window again. Almost before he hit the street, he could sense two shinobi blocking his path. He glared as he recognized Ebisu and Anko. He growled angrily, "Get out of my way."

Ebisu scoffed, crossing his arms. "You really think you can get away after this without even facing us?"

"Yeah," Anko chimed. "It's your punishment, and after that mission, you certainly deserve it."

Kakashi just growled again. "I said get out of my way. You can try and beat me up later, right now I have more important things to do!" He gave no further warning as he let loose a large chakra blast. It disoriented his opponents and Kakashi made good use of the needles he still had in his sleeves on them and the three other ninja waiting for him. He poured chakra into his legs then, sprinting as only a shinobi could to his home. Iruka was awake when he burst through the window and Kakashi had just enough time to wonder why before he crushed the teacher to his chest in a solid, desperate kiss.

Kakashi could feel hands drifting along his arms, but just reveled in the feeling. He could make it up to Iruka once more of his blood was flowing to his brain, right now he just _needed_ the man. He was surprised when Iruka twisted, bringing Kakashi down onto the bed and raising his hands above his head. The silver hair man cursed aloud for the first time that day as he realized the teacher had bound his wrists. "Iruka, please," he whined, already undoing the knot.

Iruka ignored him completely. The current knot distracted his lover long enough that he could wind another rope around his wrists, this one far more secure. Kakashi saw it and cursed again. The slippery teacher had been inventing knots again! If he'd thought to uncover the Sharingan he could have escaped it easily, but without that, it would take a few minutes at least to figure out the trick. His work done, Iruka leaned back, looking evenly at Kakashi. "I hear you had a busy day today. Tough mission?"

"Argh, more than you know! Iruka, please don't do this right now!" The brunette gave a smile that made Kakashi shiver with fear as well as anticipation and formed a couple of hand seals. Kakashi's eyes widened even more and he began fighting in earnest as two clone Irukas began wrestling his feet into secure bindings as well. The original teacher stood off to one side, slowly stripping off his pajamas and the sight was enough to drive Kakashi to distraction. "Iruka, please!" he all but screamed.

"You should hear some of the stories I've heard today," the man muttered, running his fingers lightly along Kakashi's still clothed chest. Even through the fabric the touch was maddening and Iruka deliberately traced along his stiff nipples. "This Jenny seems like a very interesting person."

"I was good! I swear I was good Iruka! And trust me she gave me plenty of opportunity. But I was good and-oh god-"

The clones had finished tying Kakashi's feet and had moved on to stripping him as well as they could with the man held in place. Hot lips started tracing the lines of his legs, avoiding his aching groin by a considerable margin. The real Iruka was still standing near his head, slowly stroking himself, completely naked. "You were good? How so?"

Kakashi struggled to think through the haze covering his brain. "I-ah-no touching. Only a little looking, I-FUCK-I swear. Iru-chan, _please_. I'll make it up to you, I will!"

"Oh?" The teacher was struggling to keep his eyes open now, a rich blush spreading across his cheeks as his breaths quickened. "How will you do that?"

Unable to touch the man – or himself for that matter – Kakashi eagerly attacked on this new front. "Anything, Iru-chan. Just imagine my hot tongue around you. Just after class, hidden beneath your desk, the chance that anyone could catch us. Or here, like this, but with your tied to the bed-" Kakashi could see the effect his words were having on the man, but he still made no move to help with the copy nin's own erection. The clones didn't miss a beat, one nibbling at Kakashi's ear while the other prodded gently at his entrance, teasing without actually doing more. "I'll let you do this, even, and more. Just _later_, Iruka, _please_!

The teacher leaned back, resting against the wall, still pumping himself. Kakashi was cursing, his eyes screwed shut in complete frustration. "Look at me, Ka-kun." It was a struggle, but he managed. The sight of the man there just drove him closer to the edge. Without help, though, he couldn't quite make it over. "What will you do to convince me?"

"A-anything, Iruka. I'll clean the whole house, I'll cook dinner for a week. I'll sub for a month, please!"

The teacher pushed away from the wall, not stopping his motions. With a thought, the clones were banished, leaving Kakashi to struggle while Iruka bent down over him. "Anything I want?" he asked, flicking his tongue over Kakashi's ear.

"Y-yes. Anything!"

"Even if I want to go dancing? Or on vacation in the mountains? Sex in public, anywhere I choose?"

"What part of anything don't you-AH!!"

Iruka bit one nipple before licking it sweetly to sooth the nub. "Any one thing I choose?" Kakashi was still struggling to look the teacher in the face, though he was losing the battle more and more. Unable to speak, he managed a frantic nod, thrusting in a vain attempt to get Iruka to keep going. The teacher groaned softly, shifting to kneel on the bed between his boyfriend's legs. He leaned back on his heels, frantically pumping his own fist, now, close to the edge. A second later he pitched forward, swallowing all of Kakashi and humming loudly as he brought himself to climax.

Kakashi screamed as he came, pulling hard at the ropes that kept him trapped. Iruka kept humming, swallowing every drop of his seed, free hand toying with his balls, weakly pumping into his own hand as his own orgasm faded. After a moment like that, he shifted to lay beside Kakashi. The man's eyes were rolled back in his head and Iruka chuckled as he undid his hands slowly. "Guess you had a tough mission after all."

"You're a-a sadist," Kakashi mumbled, his voice halting as aftershocks of pleasure raced through him. "An exhibitionist-and-and a better extortionist than I-Ibiki."

Iruka shifted again, using a kunai to slice through the cord around Kakashi's ankles for the sheer fact that it was faster. "I love you, too."

The copy nin rolled, pulling Iruka back to lay flush against him. Kicking a little, he managed to get his shoes and pants off, leaving them where they fell on the ground. He ignored his shirt and vest, even leaving his mask down as he buried his face in his lover's shoulder, doing his best to drown in his scent. "I missed you so much today, you really have no idea. Any idea how much this is actually going to cost me?"

Iruka smiled, noting his lover's voice was quickly drifting towards slumber. His own wasn't far behind as he spoke. "I'll let you know when I choose my anything."

Kakashi nodded, tightening his hold even more. "All right. But if you decide on vacation or something, you gotta wait 'til tonight's bar tab's paid off. Gonna be pulling double shifts to get outta debt."

Iruka yawned widely, settling in for a long, peaceful rest of the night. "'S okay. I can wait."

-o-o-o-o-o-

**A / N: **This had little to no point, but it sure was fun. And now that I'm done, I kinda want to write Iruka's 'anything'. I haven't thought out what it whould be, though, so if any of you out there have ideas, let me know! Thanks for reading.


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